


The Price of Failure

by Kallimax



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen, aosxfe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 07:08:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1116963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kallimax/pseuds/Kallimax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Fitz fails his field assessments, he gets support from a surprising source and support from a not so surprising one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Price of Failure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TranquillityofPassion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TranquillityofPassion/gifts).



> Written for the AOS Christmas Fic Exchange on Tumblr.
> 
> Prompt: inspired by fitz’s line in the pilot ‘f equals massacre’ maybe fitz failing to do smth in time for the team and getting super upset about it and possibly on the verge of a panic attack and simmons/and or ward calm him down?

Fitz was having trouble breathing. He stared at the computer screen blankly for several minutes then glanced away quickly. He got up from the chair, leaving his email open with the unread message glaring out at him. He purposefully didn’t look.

He paced across the lab frenetically, the room seemingly growing smaller by the second. Simmons should be here by now. They were supposed to open the emails together, finally figure out if they’d passed their field assessments together.

After everything they’d been through on the Bus in the past few months, Fitz and Simmons knew it was best for the whole team if they had the training. Especially since it didn’t appear they’d ever be out of the line of fire, even in the lab.

It had taken months, even at an accelerated rate, to cover the basics, and neither one of them had taken to it. They’d been pretty shit at their assessments, or at least that’s what Fitz thought. Simmons was more hopeful.

And now the results were in. Simmons had promised they would open them together. The only thing that was missing was her.

When Simmons finally entered the room, he spun on her. “Where have you been?”

“Oh, sorry,” Simmons. “I was just–”

“The email came in hours ago,” he interrupted.

“I know.” She gave him a bright smile. “It’ll be all right. We’ll be all right. Won’t it be all right?”

Fitz really personally doubted that, and he was pretty sure Simmons did too. But he couldn’t bring himself to say so. Instead, he sighed. “Let’s just open them, yeah? Get it over with.”

He regretted saying it a minute later as he stared at the screen.

Simmons squeaked at her email and turned to look at him, beaming. “I passed,” she said. “See, I said it would be all right, and it was all right, wasn’t it?”

He didn’t reply. He couldn’t. He could only continue staring at the email.

Simmons leaned over his shoulder to read it. “Oh, Fitz,” she said.

“I failed,” he said. He wasn’t quite conscious of forming the words. They sounded wrong, but he knew all too well that they were correct. Simmons closed the email, but he could still see it in his head.

“You didn’t fail,” she said, voice overly cheery. “You just… didn’t pass. And I barely passed. It’s a miracle, really. You know how terrible I was. I’m sure they’d let you take it again, if you like.”

Fitz slowly shook his head. “I failed.” The words didn’t come off his tongue any easier that time. He looked at Simmons, who was doing her best to keep a smile on her face, but it had really come out as more of a grimace.

“Fitz,” she said before trailing off into silence.

He looked at her, she looked back at him, and he could just tell that everything was falling apart around him. Not even Jemma had a comforting word.

Skye came in just then, smiling widely, and followed by a rather reluctant-looking Ward. “Congrat–” she started to say when Simmons cut her off with a series of quick head shakes exchanged between the two. Fitz watched it all.

After a moment of the most uncomfortable silence Fitz had ever experienced, he said, “Congratulate her.” He gestured out of the lab. “I’m just going to leave.”

No one tried to stop him. He kind of wished they would have.

 

They all watched Fitz’s exit with concern, Simmons most of all. She hovered there anxiously for a moment before gesturing the way Fitz had gone. “I should…”

“Wait a minute,” Skye said. “What happened there?”

“Oh, ah,” Simmons said, “Fitz is just a little upset about his exam results.”

“A little?”

Simmons grimaced. “Um, it’s possible I may have understated that a bit.”

“You think?” Skye asked.

Simmons sighed. “It’s just that Fitz, Fitz gets so upset about these things. You saw him, and that wasn’t even that bad really. You should’ve seen him when he nearly failed his quantitative chemistry exam. That was awful. And I really should go talk to him, convince him he’s not bloody worthless or whatever other nonsense he’s got into his head.”

Skye held her hands out. “Okay, Simmons,” she said. “Breathe. We’ll figure it out. Ward–” She turned toward the spot Ward had occupied but stopped short at the sight of the empty space. “Where’d he go?”

Simmons shrugged. “I should go talk to Fitz.” She started to leave.

“Wait,” Skye said, “You don’t think Ward…? He wouldn’t…”

“What?”

Skye moved over to Simmons’s side and began pushing her out the door. “You’re right. We have to find Fitz.”

 

Fitz had retreated to his bunk. The others could celebrate without him. He wouldn’t be very good company anyway. Not now. Not after those test results.

He’d never gotten used to failure, never had a chance. When you were as smart as Fitz, failure simply wasn’t an option. And now that he was a SHIELD agent where every situation seemed to be life or death, with the others relying on him, failure couldn’t exist.

But he kept failing. He hadn’t been able to save Jemma before she jumped out of the plane, hadn’t been able to keep Centipede from taking Coulson, hadn’t even been able to pass his field assessments, for God’s sake. He knew they’d all been counting on him, each and every time, and he’d let them down.

He should request a transfer off the Bus, let the team have a chance at getting someone better at all of this. But he couldn’t even do that properly, not if transferring meant leaving Simmons. It would, he knew, because of course Simmons had passed her field assessments. 

She’d always been the better part of them, no matter how many times she’d tried to convince him otherwise.

There was a knock on the door. Fitz stayed on his bunk. He figured it was Simmons, and he thought he’d leave the choice of coming in or not up to her. He didn’t know whether he wanted her with him or the solitude of his own thoughts more.

There was a pause. For a second, Fitz thought she’d decided to leave him alone after all, but then the door slid open with a soft snick.

“Jemma, I–” Fitz started before he was sure of what he was going to say.

“I’m not her.”

Fitz startled, glancing up toward the door at Ward. White hot shame flooded through him, and Fitz surged to his feet. “What are you doing here?” he asked, and the words sounded angrier than he’d intended.

Ward held up his hands in a placating gesture. “It’s okay. I’m not here to yell.”

“Then why are you here?” It sounded marginally less angry. Fitz congratulated himself on that much.

Ward shrugged. There was a long silence before he finally said, “You did good.”

Fitz shot him an incredulous look.

“I know it may not seem like it,” Ward continued, “but you did advanced training. At a pace where it’d be hard to even keep up. I’ve seen specialists take longer to warm up to that stuff than you did. It was… impressive.”

Fitz blinked at the man. He wasn’t sure what to say, wasn’t even sure what to think. He’d expected Ward to be upset. He’d expected them all to be upset. Even Simmons, though he knew she’d never say it.

Ward looked distinctly uncomfortable at the continued silence. “I just wanted you to know.”

Fitz nodded slowly. “I appreciate that.”

Ward nodded back.

The door slid open again, and Skye practically pushed Simmons into the room. “Everything okay in here?” Skye asked, voice overly cheery. Simmons hovered nervously by the door.

Ward straightened, his face reverting to its usual blank mask. “We’re good.”

Skye didn’t seem to quite believe him. She looked to Fitz for confirmation. He nodded slowly, keeping his eyes on Ward for a moment before glancing away quickly.

Simmons made her way over to his side, hands fluttering nervously. She gave him a thin smile, and when he gave her one back, hers brightened considerably.

“Okay,” Skye said, drawing out the word. “Everyone’s good.” She looked between Fitz and Ward then Fitz and Simmons before reaching out, grabbing Ward’s arm, and pulling him from the room. “We’ll leave you two alone.”

Simmons spoke as soon as Skye and Ward were gone. “You’re really all right?”

Fitz nodded and smiled, trying to make it as bright as possible so Simmons wouldn’t worry as much. “Ward helped,” he said, “if you can believe that.”

Simmons laughed for a second. “Ward?” It didn’t sound like she quite believed it. Fitz nodded earnestly, and Simmons sobered for a moment. “Yeah,” she said. “I guess he does that.”

There was a brief silence before she continued, “You know you’re brilliant, right?”

Fitz nodded. “So you tell me all the time.”

“Because it’s true,” Simmons said.

“Because it’s true,” Fitz repeated.

Simmons smiled widely at him. “Just so you know,” she said.

He smiled back. “I know.”

“I’m sure you almost passed,” she said. She leaned over his shoulder and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. “I’m proud of you, even if you aren’t.”

Of its own accord, his hand drifted to his cheek to touch the spot where she’d kissed him. He smiled across at her, and she smiled back. “Of course you are,” he said.


End file.
